(Source: palpattine)

OH. and my sister had her baby shower this weekend. and it was super nice. and fun and all that girly shit. i got designated the photographer so that made it much more endurable for me. dont get me wrong, i love women. but you should NEVER have that must estrogen in one room-its dangerous. and today we went to return some of the stuff she didnt like or had too much of and bought more things she needed that she didnt get. and ive been into babies r us a million times these past few months and everytime i go in i go straight to the boy clothes. [pause] maybe its just me and my personal taste, cause generally i wear more boy stuff than girls. but holy shit. i cannot take all that pink! the boy clothes are just so much cuter!!! with their little sailboats and monkeys and ducks and trains and baseballs and cars and giraffes and all the blues and yellows and greens and orange and the plaid button-ups and then the little vests and ties and the tiny overalls! ohmygod. boys have pretty clothes, thats all there is to it. and then you go to the girls and its like pink pink pink purple pink pink butterflies pink flowers pink little bears of pink and ballerinas and elephants and more pink! seriously. when i have children. theyre all wearing some of both. it sort of makes me really sad that sissy didnt catch the dare to be different gene that me and mom got. shes like by the book and all that. which is fine. but children shouldnt be raised that way. =/ [unpause] ANYWAYS. i bought this cute little baseball onesie and this super cute tiger shirt thats like the best color of orange with matching navy shorts. i cant believe she actually let me get them. ha, me and mom already decided that when she comes to our house were gonna dress her in blues and all that boy stuff and buy her some boy toys or whatever society says is made specifically for “boys”. because i remember being little and i always wanted austins toys and austins clothes cause i hated all mine. and it made me feel like shit at 4 years old and thats not something that any child should have to bear. she should be allowed to have whatever she wants. whatever makes her comfortable. so yea. its up to me to educate the poor kid. =]

and yea. i didnt announce her pregnancy this time. well, because last time she had a miscarriage. and we told people way to early and i didnt want to jinx it again. but shes 29 weeks today so i think its safe. not to say that there still cant be problems. but lets just pray baby alyssa comes out all good and healthy. its sort of nice to have a shimmer of a light in the tragedy our family just faced. i mean, nothing could ever replace him. nothing could ever change that. nothing will ever fix what happened or take away the pain. but thats the world, yea? one leaves as another’s coming in. people die and new ones are born. and its really hard to be excited over the new baby when we just lost what still felt like one. he was just a kid. and i feel guilty for being happy right now. so i wont. =/

look it, baby cousin!

you are officially on my tumblr now.

bam. you even made the profile pic.

nobody else has ever made it into my tumblr pic

thats how you know you’re special.

=]

and you better be up there in heaven smiling down at this

but uhm yea.

i have his whole album on my facebook. but its not done yet.

and likeeee, i guess ill post some of my favorites on here

cause we were seriously cute kids and i just know that everybody is dying to see me when i was an itty bitty

and EVENTUALLY, im gonna go through everything that happened

and all the aftermath and all the truly incredible things that everyone did for him. and for our family. and they continue to do now, as we speak.

and just so ill have it. so i can come back and read what i wrote and remember how much of an amazing impact he left on everybody who knew him.

but im just not ready to type it out yet. i know its good for me to just get it on and go through all the steps of grieving and all that. but really, i just wanna wallow in the misery for a while.

and not to mention, it will probably take literally hundreds of posts to tell you everything that went down in this past month and how i felt about it. its just so overwhelming, i dont even want to think on it.

i just felt like changing my pic on here cause hes on my facebook one.

and i didnt want people to be like who the fuck is on your picture and why is it of children and all that. not that people even pay attention to my stuff.

so yea. thats all.

and that is, indeed, me (roughly 6 years old?)…and topless  =0

and in case you didnt notice, hes the prettier one

=]

dude. YES.

i need pictures like this with piggy. <3

(Source: whordrey)

i seriously cannot believe harry potter actually won an award

FOR ONCE, the greatest story ever told got recognition

but in all honesty, i think hp is like way too classy for mtv

and i guess thats why they never win there

i dont know

but it sort of makes me feel like shit

because i actually really loved the twilight series

and the hunger games trilogy

but everytime theyre put up against hp

i get so fucking mad

like how dare you compare anything else to harry potter

harry potter is incomparable

period.

but whatever. its all just a popularity contest anyways.

i mean, lets face it. the twilight movies are shit.

good story, bad movies. thats all there is to it

and even the hunger games on film didnt measure up

not quite like hp, at least

but im biased, so i guess dont take my word for it?

i dont know why i even watch these shows

but on the up side; k stew is just as hot as ever

notice how she really wanted that kiss from charlize.

jussayin, bro.

and emma stone is awesome.

and emma watson never ceases to be completely and utterly adorable.

and i really really like that christian bale said something for heath.

we shouldnt ever forget.

and batman is going to suck without him.

and people really need to stop dying and living me behind.

and i miss harry potter.

and i really just miss everything.

and i just want everybody to stop leaving me.

leaving without me.

=/

but thats ONLY because your name got replaced by his. congratulations.

I’m just so tired
Won’t you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain’t the same without you in my life

Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can’t help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin’ life just ain’t fair
Sometimes I still just can’t believe you’re gone

And I’m sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year
Down here…

Feel your fire,
When it’s cold in my heart
And things sorta start
Remindin’ me of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you, too

And I’m sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year
Down here…

You won’t be comin’ back
And I didn’t get to say goodbye (goodbye)
I really wish I got to say goodbye

And I’m sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year

I hope that all is well in heaven
‘Cause it’s all shot to hell down here
I hope that I find you in heaven
‘Cause I’m so
Lost without you down here…

You won’t be coming back
And I didn’t get to say goodbye (goodbye)
I really wish I got to say goodbye

for sure

(Source: 1nvoluntary)